With Labour seemingly reluctant to rule out doing a deal with the SNP to secure a coalition after the next election, the Conservative party have come under equal pressure to rule out doing a deal with the Devil to stay in power for five more years.
Speaking about his upcoming budget, George Osborne was asked whether doing a deal with the Devil would be a line the Tories were willing to cross.
“Obviously it is our intention to win the the election outright,” Osborne said, “but should the situation arise that the only way we can get across the line is to make a pact with the leader of Hell then so be it.
“And actually our policies aren’t too dissimilar. The Devil is happy to see people suffer for his own gain and we both see no problem with idea of purgatory, although his is for sinners and ours is the wait while the DWP lose your claim and then sanction you because they couldn’t find it in time.”
Speaking about any potential deal, prime minister David Cameron confirmed he has had talks about a coalition with Satan.
“As Queen say in Bohemian Rhapsody, ‘Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me’ which is a fancy way of saying Maggie Thatcher would become Deputy Prime Minister.”
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