Tag Archives: BNP

Irony implodes: Nick Griffin to emigrate

Sean Spicer & Nick Griffin, never seen in the same room

Sean Spicer’s less intelligent dodgy uncle look-alike, Nick Griffin, plans to inflict himself on the unsuspecting Hungarians later this year.

Griffin spoke in glowing terms of the growing ”nationalist emigre community” in Hungary, where he’ll move to later this year. He will continue to be politically active though, campaigning for less immigration and stronger national borders.

Laws of quantum physics were suspended yesterday, as Oxford English Dictionaries failed to fit this proposition into Einsteins general theory of relativity. Continue reading

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Disappointment as BNP’s new leader doesn’t look obviously demented

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Ex-BNP leader Nick Griffin: if only all unspeakable gits were this easy to spot

Despite it being one of their favourite sayings the BNP have proved that they don’t all look the same by voting in a new leader who doesn’t look like the villain in the most rubbish pantomime ever. Continue reading

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Charity shop full of unwanted England flags mistaken for BNP headquarters

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Some shop visitors find a flag in their size.

With England as good as out of the World Cup, a charity shop in Harold has been mistaken for a BNP outlet after receiving hundreds of old, unwanted England flags.

Doris Kettle works in the store for a few hours a week, and has been staggered by the response.

“Normally we find it hard to find volunteers, but since Friday morning we’ve been inundated with fat, tattooed, shaven headed men asking if they can sign up to ‘help the cause'”, revealed Kettle.

“Now that we have 15 on every shift I’m a bit scared to tell them the money goes to poor Africans.”

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Church bans priests from being fascists: misogynists and homophobes still welcome

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The fashion-challenged are also warmly embraced

The Church of England has banned clergy from being members of the BNP or the National Front however it was quick to reassure its priests that other forms of bigotry are still absolutely fine. Continue reading

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Relief as Britain found to be less racist than France

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This man is bankrupt and very recently unemployed. It’s okay, we laughed too.

There was relief in Harold this morning as the European election results confirmed one thing: the UK is officially less racist than France. In France the Front National party won the election while on this side of the channel voters decided they’d had enough of fascists and the BNP lost both its seats. Continue reading

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Far-right group calls for points of compass to be renamed to ‘confuse Muslamics’

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Look at them, threatening UK society with their friendship and truly amazing eyebrows, will no one think of the children?

An offshoot of the BNP called Prime Britain is campaigning to have the points of the compass renamed in the belief that this will mean devout Muslims won’t know where Mecca is when they come to pray.

“We’re taking a stand for all decent British people whose way of life is under threat,” said Prime Britain leader Kev Gadsby. “This is a Christian country and Muslamics have no right to be facing another country or town or whatever like it’s better or something.” Continue reading

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Flood crisis latest: BNP announce they’re building an ark

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It’ll be just like this only everyone and everything will be terribly unhappy

There was surprise this morning as Nick Griffin, leader of the British National Party, slithered out from under his rock to announce that the BNP’s solution to the flooding crisis is to build an ark.

“The ark won’t be open to everyone,” Griffin said. “It’s a British ark or Bark as we like to call it. The only people allowed on board will be pure Brits with generations of British blood flowing through their veins and who exemplify the best this great nation has to offer just like Churchill, Brunel, Agatha Christie and our beloved royal family.” Continue reading

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Romanians panic as bankrupt Nick Griffin heads to Bucharest to look for work

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Bankrupt: morally, intellectually…

There was panic on the streets of Romanian capital Bucharest this afternoon as citizens braced themselves for an influx of BNP leader Nick Griffin who is heading there to look for work after being declared bankrupt at Welshpool County Count.

“We don’t want Nick Griffins coming here and taking all our jobs,” said IT consultant Ion Bâlan. “They behave in a disgusting way that is completely at odds with Romanian values, we do not want them in our city living off state handouts then going on our version of Question Time looking mad. The Romanian government should close the borders to such people.” Continue reading

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“Rio ferdinand’s England retirement a ‘victory’ for the BNP” claims Griffin

Although a blatent racist, Griffin claims to see both sides of the argument

Although a blatant racist, Griffin claims to see both sides of the argument

Nick Griffin, leader of the British National Party, has said the news that Rio Ferdinand has retired from playing for England a victory for racists everywhere.

Ferdinand’s announcement comes after John Terry was picked for the last European championship ahead of him despite being due in court for racially abusing his brother, Anton. Although the court cleared Terry of the charges, the FA found him guilty and banned him accordingly.

“Rio’s decision is the right one, and shows the growing support for fascism in the footballing community” Griffin told reporters.

“I think we need to thank John Terry, the England fans accused of racially abusing him at a recent game and Paolo Di Canio for raising the profile of right-wing nut jobs in the game.”
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BNP forced to admit website not hacked just stupid

Nothing to do with us

“Nothing to do with us.”

In order to counter the widespread belief that their website had been hacked the BNP were today forced to admit that it is intentionally full of stupidity and toss.

“The first thing you see on the BNP’s site is a headline saying ‘Rebuilding the ethnic British race‘,” said Evening Harold journalist S.F McCrossin. “So almost immediately I assumed they’d been hacked. The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland has only existed in its current form since 1921. That’s not wanting to rebuild an ethnic race that’s wanting to rebuild Prince Philip. Or maybe not seeing as he was born in Greece and his dad was Greek. I don’t think the BNP are keen on that sort of thing.” Continue reading

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