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‘Reimagined’ Top Gear will feature ‘more cooking’

top gear

The new team decide who to pick on first.

The BBC has announced exciting plans to gently manoeuvre the hit show ‘Top Gear’ away from the race track, and into the kitchen.

“Some fans have said that the show was never really about cars, it was in fact about the chemistry between three oafs”, revealed BBC Imagineer Ross Kelp.

“So why not get in some new presenters, teach them to be shits, and get them cooking at each other in Peru?”

With 73% of the BBC’s current output focussing on food, Kelp sees this as proof that now is the time to ‘apron up’.
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Atos declares itself ‘unfit for work’


Atos will now spend its time smoking fags in front of a big telly.

Atos, a wheezing, fat company that scrounges cash from the government, has declared itself unfit for work.

The decision came after the firm failed to find its arse with both hands, and sweated to the point of passing out when asked to walk past a big pile of money.

“Atos has never really been capable of doing a great job”, admitted its employer Ian Duncan Smith. “But to be fair, that’s never really stopped me.”
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