‘Do as I say, not as I do. Got it? Or do you want bog-washing?”
Ofsted, which kicks schools round the playground if they don’t do well in tests set by psychopaths who can’t cut the mustard in the classroom, has told schools to ‘Do as I say, not as I do’.
“When we go into schools we have a battery of tests to administer.” said head of Ofsted Amanda Spielman “Or to put it another way, we have tests to administer with battery. Yes, that’s Continue reading
Ofsted chief inspector Sir Michael Wilshaw in combative mood yesterday
Following reports that many Ofsted inspectors do not have the skills or teaching experience needed to judge schools, is has emerged that what was assumed to be a body of humans is in fact largely made up of a roving pack of baboons, missing from London Zoo for several years.
The problem seems to have started as Ofsted became increasingly reliant on private firms to provide inspectors, with the obvious lack of quality controls that brings.
Motivated purely by profits, the outsourcing companies seem to have employed the cheapest inspectors possible, with the baboons undercutting even the foreign or dead candidates.
Many schools did not notice any difference at first, so low were their expectations of the inspectors, and suspicions only came to light after a recent think tank report mentioned that the majority of inspectors “Lacked teaching experience, and seemed to be covered in fur matted with faeces”. Continue reading
Narrow escape for all of us
Locals were celebrating a ‘lucky escape’ this morning as a sinkhole measuring 50 meters deep opened up without warning in High Wycombe, completely swallowing up Michael Gove.
Locals woke up in the village of Walter’s Ash to find the enormous hole had appeared over night. It was not realised that Gove had been visiting the village until one householder noticed his ego just visible over the edge of the huge pit.
“It’s a miracle no damage was done,” said a Buckinghamshire Fire Services spokesman. “I’ve got kids at a local state school, and I can’t stress enough what a lucky escape they’ve had.” Continue reading
Wilshire now routinely wears a heavy disguise to reduce his unpopularity
Teachers’ leaders expressed support today for Sir Michael Wilshire, the embattled boss of Ofsted. Wilshire has recently been briefed against by zealous acolytes of pasty-faced Secretary of State for Education, Michael Gove.
“It’s not like criticising someone relentlessly is going to make them do a better job, is it?” Wilshire had demanded tearfully of a clearly embarrassed BBC interviewer Bill Turnbull on this morning’s ‘Breakfast’ show “Where’s the fairness in that?” he snuffled from behind a hankie “Everyone will think I’m a clown”. Continue reading
“Bring me the head of Michael Gove!”
Harold district’s local education authority is struggling to cope with the massive influx of former drug dealers seeking the easy route to riches by secretly entering the teaching profession.
Many drug dealers have come to the conclusion that they could do a better job than the disorganised collection of misfits who currently staff the education system, and by getting into the ‘business’ are finding riches and excitement they could previously only dream of. Such are the rewards available, many dealers are prepared to put up with the danger, drop in status and lowly social position that comes with teaching.