Schools “too focused on tests & exams” warns Ofsted, which judges schools by tests & exams

‘Do as I say, not as I do. Got it? Or do you want bog-washing?”

Ofsted, which kicks schools round the playground if they don’t do well in tests set by psychopaths who can’t cut the mustard in the classroom, has told schools to ‘Do as I say, not as I do’.

“When we go into schools we have a battery of tests to administer.” said head of Ofsted Amanda Spielman “Or to put it another way, we have tests to administer with battery. Yes, that’s probably nearer the mark.”

Alison Lee, Headteacher of St Mary’s Church of England Primary School in Harold, has just returned from 6 months sick leave, triggered by the last Ofsted inspection which, as usual, rated her school as ‘Outstanding’.

“Oh good, more changes. Bang goes the Christmas break, again.” said Lee with a resigned sigh. “I’m surprised Ofsted wants children to have a broad education, not measurable by ticks in boxes. Given that Ofsted rates schools by pre-determined tick boxes.”

Could you pass me that box of Prozac?” [other anti-depressants are available]. No, the big one next to it.”