Gerald, in a blue period, due to the comparisons
Male octopuses say they are very respectful to females, and being linked to Donald Trump’s groping is very unfair.
Gerald the octopus says he and his friends always ask first before touching females of the species, and even then its the most gentle of caresses, not a grope.
What a tosser, though, really.
In the biggest shock yet to the 2016 Presidential race, an unidentified woman has come forward claiming not to have been ever groped or inappropriately touched by Republican candidate Donald Trump.
Masie Renfrew, 48, a dental hygienist from Brooklyn, claimed to sceptical journalists that she shared an elevator with Trump in 1986 without being molested by the bewigged octopus.
“He just sort of stood there looking at me out of the corner of his eye,” explained Renfrew. “He seemed to twitch slightly, but that could just have been the wig blowing in the air con. Then I got out, and he hadn’t done anything, I was shocked.”
“I supposed I’m lucky I was only going one floor.”
In a rare apology, Donald Trump has admitted that his notorious ‘Make America Grope Again’ slogan might be a bad idea.
Following the release of a tape showing Trump confessing to grabbing unwilling women’s genitalia, the Republican presidential candidate has realised that he may be on the verge of losing the crucial ‘anti sexual assault’ vote.
Trump’s apology was comprehensive, covering his entire adult life, and yet still managed to suggest that Hillary Clinton might be largely to blame.
He explained his position to an array of journalists nervously covering their private parts with their hands in the manner of English football players in a ‘wall’ defending a direct free kick.
Right, now for my ‘shocked’ and ‘concerned’ face. What do you think?
Lib Dem Party leaders have denied persistent rumours in the Westminster Village that they have a rogue MP who is not a serial groper.
Nick Clegg asserts he was quick to respond. “As soon as I heard of these appalling allegations against a backbench MP, I paused to reflect for about three years and then acted immediately. How did I act? Well, I acted ‘shocked’, with eyebrows raised, like this …and acted ‘concerned’, with a frown, like this. It’s not an easy look. Go on, you try it. See?” Continue reading