I quite like Tony if anyone’s interested.
From Allah to Zeus, from Acan to Zinsi, religious types like to name their gods. Except Christians! ‘Blessed be thy name’ goes their favourite prayer, but what is it? Well now their prayers will be answered, as this summer sees the launch of an international campaign to give the world’s favourite omnipotent being a name.
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Filed under International News, Religion, Tony Blair
Pope Francis has cut a trip to Tacloban in the Philippines short so he can avoid Tropical Storm Mekkhala, leading some to question his faith in God to keep him safe.
“You would have thought he is the one person in the world God would want to look after,” one of the faithful braving the weather to see the pontiff said.
“I mean, it’s not like he is an evil person, or an innocent African child or anyone else God always seems to pick on; he’s the Pope.”
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Victim said she would ‘probably keep the baby’.
The Lord God Almighty has been arrested by detectives investigating the historic impregnation of a virgin.
Following an anonymous tip-off, the supreme being was detained near a horse storage facility. He was in the company of three livestock managers and several foreign members of the aristocracy.
“A young man going by the name of ‘Jo’ informed us that his wife had become pregnant”, said PC Flegg. “Whilst at the same time insisting she was still immaculate.”
Mary claims that she was impregnated by the supreme being while visiting relatives a donkey ride away. “I was laying there, then he came unto me, and started moving in a mysterious way”, said the pregnancy victim. “Thinking about it now, I think he groomed me with an angel.”
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Filed under Around Harold, Christmas
Despite omnipotence, God may still need to rely on coalition with Nick Clegg.
Omnipotent Christian deity God has spent the day changing some faces in his cabinet in the first reshuffle for over 2000 years. Many involved are household names and the shake up is seen as significant on earth as it is in heaven.
The big loser is God’s long time wing man Jesus of Nazareth, whose coveted position of ‘sitting at the right hand of God’ has gone to Princess Diana. The heavenly father has recently faced fresh accusations of nepotism as well as a failure to represent females in positions of power, and has seemingly smote two birds with one stone.
With less than a week until a crucial debate and vote in the US congress over action in Syria, Senators and Congressmen are still awaiting for God to tell them his opinion.
Both sides of the argument have been praying hard to God, however He seem to be procrastinating over the monumental decision. If He has not spoken to them by Sunday, the vote may be put back.
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