Tag Archives: disability

PM explains robbing disabled people’s Motability is being fair to the rich

cameronpointing

You there, do you really need those crutches?

David Cameron has stopped tens of thousands of disabled people getting Motability transport as it’s unfair to rich people like himself.

“Some of us rich people like hoovering up public funds for our own families. Others are fat but receive no help getting into our big cars and Motability savings could pay for a whole fleet of gut winches. Once they’ve been invented.”

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Filed under News, Politics, Transport

IDS wants a hard copy of “disabled whiners’ letter”, so he can bin it

IDS-larfing

Duncan Smith hears the latest suicide figures for benefit claimants

An open letter from disability groups has been slammed by Iain Duncan Smith for ‘lacking substance’, meaning he can’t throw it in the waste-paper bin; one of the best bits of his job.

Duncan Smith explained  how he’s eradicating poverty by eradicating the poor and now wants to roll out the same approach to the disabled.

“The current system only encourages people to be disabled. Continue reading

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Filed under DWP, News, Politics

Trump burns down orphanage, is still popular

trumpdisability

I’m gonna BURN!

Donald Trump has shrugged off a recent incident where he was caught on camera burning down an orphanage, and remains the front-runner in polls of a public who have clearly given up all pretence of even caring.

In the widely-circulated video, Trump is seen pouring cans of gasoline into the open windows of the orphanage, before throwing in a lighted rag and running off, laughing maniacally.

When challenged, Trump accused the orphanage of “grandstanding”, and pointed out that he couldn’t even remember its name, so had clearly not intended to burn down anything. Continue reading

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Filed under Politics, Showbusiness

New Atos test to involve putting people on disability benefits in a wicker man

This has better wheelchair access than over 50% of Atos test centres

This has better wheelchair access than over 50% of Atos test centres

Atos, the company which carries out work capability tests on those in receipt of benefits due to illness and/or disability, has announced that it is  implementing a tougher test which will involve placing claimants in a wicker man.

Esther McVey, Conservative MP and Minister for Disabled People, spoke of her delight with the new system. “As I said in an interview earlier this year, this government is very generous to disabled people. Now after a long consultation of ten minutes minus the time it took to drink the coffee and enjoy a hobnob, I and my colleagues who are all able to work and whose basic salaries put us in the top five percent of wage earners in this country even before we’ve cracked open the treasure chest that is the MPs expense allowance have decided that that is not on.” Continue reading

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Teen caught hiring himself out to families who want to cut theme park queues

How much would you pay to avoid hours of this?

Harold teenager and wheelchair user Simon Delaney, 17, has been banned from Chronicles of Narnia inspired theme park Six Beavers over Dunstable after it emerged that he had been hiring himself out to families who didn’t want to queue up for rides having copied the idea from news reports about similar scams happening at Disneyland in Florida.

“At Six Beavers visitors who use mobility aides such as wheelchairs or motorised scooters can use an alternate entrance to some rides and every so often we stop the main queue to allow them onto the ride itself,” said a spokesperson for the park. “And this young man has been wholeheartedly abusing that scheme.” Continue reading

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Filed under Around Harold, Crime, News