PM explains robbing disabled people’s Motability is being fair to the rich

You there, do you really need those crutches?

David Cameron has stopped tens of thousands of disabled people getting Motability transport as it’s unfair to rich people like himself.

“Some of us rich people like hoovering up public funds for our own families. Others are fat but receive no help getting into our big cars and Motability savings could pay for a whole fleet of gut winches. Once they’ve been invented.”

“You know,  the very rich seldom get sympathy but we suffer as much as you ordinary people and that can’t be right.” said the PM.

Mr Cameron explained that he’d previously claimed state disability benefits for his own family, only because he and Samantha were down to their last £30m. He is worried that similar benefits might not be available to future multi-millionaires, if every Tom Dick or Harry can simply dip in and help themselves.

With half a  million people due for DWP reassessments, including those currently on a “lifetime” Disability Living Allowance award, how does Mr Cameron see the future for disabled transport?

“We’ll give £2K to anyone losing their mobility allowance, so they can buy an old banger. That might not sound very much but it all adds up and each £2k represents another hour’s flight in my Prime Ministerial Jet.”

“And we’re doing away with lifetime certificates.” said Mr Cameron “Some claimants might have grown new legs since they were last assessed and others might have used their cars to drive to Lourdes.”