Britain faces another divisive referendum over the exact method of dispatching monger of wars Tony Blair.
Harold shop owner Julie Kettle says she regrets not being informed enough about the EU referendum, so she’s really done her homework this time.
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‘The WMD was THIS big’
“Just a glance at the Chilcot report shows just how unsuited Corbyn is to lead the country into a Middle Eastern war” said foreign dictator consultant Blair.
“The report rightly praised me for taking the most flimsy intelligence in a dossier and misrepresenting it so well that people were convinced Saddam could make a nuclear bomb from sand. Can you imagine Corbyn doing that if he’d been PM? He’s so naive he’d have just told the British public there was no immediate threat which would make it very hard to have a decent war.”
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Sir John Chilcot: don’t argue with us, it bloody is.
Human embodiment of the abyss staring back at you, Tony Blair, has gone to Sir John Chilcot’s remote manor house along with Alastair Campbell, Clare Short, General Sir Michael Jackson, and other former senior politicians and military figures to find out which if them is guilty of mass-murder most foul.
After a long dinner expected to be interrupted only by the revelation that two of the guests are long-lost siblings and then a power cut during which gun fire will be heard everyone will gather in the billiard room to hear Sir John Chilcot’s verdict. Continue reading
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Filed under Chilcot Report, Politics
Happy happy joy joy
The Chilcot Report has been leaked ahead of its publication on Wednesday and contains devastating news for anyone incapable of thinking ‘Tony Blair’ without adding ‘should be in the dock at the Hague’.
The little friend of all the world especially dictators and Bono has been fully exonerated over the UK’s involvement in the Iraq War with Sir John Chilcot concluding that Blair has never even heard of the country or of weapons of mass destruction and that Alastair Campbell never existed in the first place. The report ends with a fulsome apology to the former PM and the recommendation that he be given a lovely pony and a hug. Continue reading
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“Betrayal is the only truth that sticks” – Arthur Miller
Avaricious shadow demon in an ex-Prime Minister costume, Tony Blair, is confidently expected to be found dead in some woods near one of his many homes on 5th July now that the Chilcot Report is being published on the 6th.
Blair, aka The Man Who Warred Too Much, will for the first time in a long time do the decent thing rather than attend a trial for war crimes at the Hague provisionally booked in for the 7th. Continue reading
Filed under Chilcot Report, Politics
Blimey, the White Witch has let herself go
Millions of viewers have been enchanted by the BBC’s latest costume drama spectacular this time based on a book most people have read and not one they’re pretending to have as is the case with War and Peace.
The sumptuous adaptation of C.S Lewis’ classic tale tells the story of a small boy called Sir John Chilcot who wanders into a strange land held in the grip of winter by a powerful and deluded ruler who wouldn’t know the truth if it sat on their face and wiggled. Continue reading
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“Am I a war criminal? Perhaps I’ll never know.”
Street parties have been cancelled up and down the land, after it emerged that it’s not foreign dictator consultant Tony Blair facing possible trial for Iraqi war crimes, but some of the squaddies from the business end.
At the Squirrel Lickers yesterday, Dan Brooks voiced his frustration.
“Those war crimes idiots can’t see the dunes for the sand. Continue reading
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Filed under News, Tony Blair, War
“The lies I told about Iraq were this big…”
During his phone-in on LBC today Boris Johnson, a clever man pretending to be a golden retriever pretending to be an idiot, described Tony Blair as an “eel-like customer”. And in doing so lent a fresh dignity to British politics. Continue reading
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