Blair says Chilcot report proves Corbyn lacks the skills to organise an oil war

Foreign dictator consultant Tony Blair says Jeremy Corbyn lacks the basic skills to organise an oil war, and should resign as Labour leader immediately.

“Just a glance at the Chilcot report shows just how unsuited Corbyn is to lead the country into a Middle Eastern war” said foreign dictator consultant Blair.

“The report rightly praised me for taking the most flimsy intelligence in a dossier and misrepresenting it so well that people were convinced Saddam could make a nuclear bomb from sand. Can you imagine Corbyn doing that if he’d been PM? He’s so naive he’d have just told the British public there was no immediate threat which would make it very hard to have a decent war.”

“And could Mr Corbyn have presented information with ‘a certainty that was not justified’, as Mr Chilcot remarked approvingly about me. I think not – Jeremy doesn’t even know how to do that thing with your hands that makes people believe you no matter what toss you say. That’s why he’s stuck with just telling the truth, which is so last century, well pre-1997 when I became PM to be precise” remarked the monger of wars.

Gun for hire Blair also noted how Chilcot lauded his ability to see the big picture, and not get bogged down in details, such as how the war would be run, and what would happen afterwards.

“You don’t get things done if you over-think everything, you need to just stick your head in the sand and smell the oil. Concentrate on the big picture – like how upset George Dubya would’ve been if I didn’t make Britain join his war” said foreign dictator consultant Blair. “Corbyn would’ve fretted about the British soldiers killed, and the millions of innocent Iraqis killed or displaced. It’s like the simpleton hasn’t even heard of collateral damage.”

“As Sir John Chilcot said, strategic thinking was required, and my strategy of just joining the war without worrying about what what happen afterwards has paid off handsomely as we created ISIS and can now keep having wars to our hearts content. Libya, Syria, you name it, we’ve bombed it. British bombs made by British workers – think about that for one minute when you waffle on about a jobs strategy Mr Corbyn.”

Mr Blair said Labour MPs needed to remove Mr Corbyn as soon as possible, other wise Labour faced the humiliation of not starting an unnecessary war for decades to come.