If you have to ask whether or not Mister Superpaws is racist, you’re part of the problem
It’s already ticked tea, Dogtanian and the Three Muskehounds, barbecues, universities, beaches, spoons, and hair off the list (guess how many of those we made up) and though it has along way to go the Guardian is determined to see through its mission to declare absolutely everything racist.
“I’m confident we can do it,” editor Katharine Viner told us. “We used to do proper investigative journalism but by focussing on this we can just pay a few freelancers to sit in their kitchens and endlessly pump out daft opinion pieces. It certainly saves money.” Continue reading
DJ Mike Read has withdrawn his best-selling UKIP Calypso song after recognising it was unlikely to win an award at tonight’s Music Of Black Origin (MOBO) awards.
The song is designed to highlight UKIP’s policies whilst dispelling the accusation that they are in any way racist.
The mark of the devil
There are increasing calls for Gardeners’ Question Time to be taken off air following revelations of its unhinged behaviour. The latest one comes a day after Dr Ben Pitcher of the University of Westminster accused the show of being racist for using terms like ‘native’ and ‘non-native’ when discussing plant species and using the word ‘soil’ as a coded reference to racial purity. Continue reading
The patron saint of pub bores
In the wake of film coming to light that shows him using the n-word, Jeremy Clarkson has announced that he is to stand as an MP for Ukip in the Newark by-election.
“We’re delighted,” said Nigel Farage. ‘Ukip was been watching Jeremy’s performance for some time – an ignorant comment about Islam here, a Hitler salute there – and at last he’s met the required standards of racism to represent the party.” Continue reading
Um bongo um bongo, they play them outside Tesco.
Harold’s leading ethnic percussionist has claimed his shop may not survive, following a withering attack by local politician Ron Ronsson.
Bongo Bongo Land has been selling slightly shoddy hand drums since 1993, when they took over the units previously occupied by failed Dawn’s Zulu Xylophones and the adjoining African airline agent, Fly Tse Tse.
With locals keen to add an international flavour to their conservatories and hallways, George Evans’ deer-hided instruments were once the perfect accompaniment to Indonesian face masks, native American dream catchers and ‘Welsh Drums’ made from a bin lid and half a brick.
Although a blatant racist, Griffin claims to see both sides of the argument
Nick Griffin, leader of the British National Party, has said the news that Rio Ferdinand has retired from playing for England a victory for racists everywhere.
Ferdinand’s announcement comes after John Terry was picked for the last European championship ahead of him despite being due in court for racially abusing his brother, Anton. Although the court cleared Terry of the charges, the FA found him guilty and banned him accordingly.
“Rio’s decision is the right one, and shows the growing support for fascism in the footballing community” Griffin told reporters.
“I think we need to thank John Terry, the England fans accused of racially abusing him at a recent game and Paolo Di Canio for raising the profile of right-wing nut jobs in the game.”