Closure fears for precinct’s ‘Bongo Bongo Land’

Um bongo um bongo, they play them outside Tesco.

Harold’s leading ethnic percussionist has claimed his shop may not survive, following a withering attack by local politician Ron Ronsson.

Bongo Bongo Land has been selling slightly shoddy hand drums since 1993, when they took over the units previously occupied by failed Dawn’s Zulu Xylophones and the adjoining African airline agent, Fly Tse Tse.

With locals keen to add an international flavour to their conservatories and hallways, George Evans’ deer-hided instruments were once the perfect accompaniment to Indonesian face masks, native American dream catchers and ‘Welsh Drums’ made from a bin lid and half a brick.

“Of course, bongos can be played as well, they’re not just something you can display to pretend you’ve been on holiday”, said Evans. “A point I first made on that grant form I was sent to fill in by the nice lady at the Arts Council.”

With gap year students and trustafarians alike beating a path to Evans’ Tasmanian beaded fly curtain, barely a barbecue now passes without some sharktooth-necklaced layabout whipping out his bloody bongos.

But Ronsson wants an end to what he sees as ‘misspent handouts’, and claimed that a business charging £40 an hour for  lessons should be able to survive without needing full charitable status.

“Ronsson is a berk, there’s a lot more to hitting a drum over and over and over again with your hand or elbow than you might imagine”, countered Evans. “We recommend two lessons a week, followed by a reiki head massage for a very reasonable twenty quid.”

Other business owners have been quick to come to defence of Bongo Bongo Land, especially Mick Clarkson, who leases Evans a 1987 Ferrari Testarossa.

“Ronsson only hates Bongo Bongo Land because the big Swede has got no natural sense of rhythm”, claimed Clarkson. “And that’s not racist, I just think the man’s a twat.”

Ronsson has vowed to take the matter further and is flying to Brussels in the morning, where he hopes to raise the issue with a group of MEPs. “The weather’s lovely there at the moment”, said Ronsson. “I’ll probably have to put some designer sunglasses on my expenses.”