Jeremy Clarkson filmed using N-word: announces he is to stand as Ukip MP

The patron saint of pub bores

In the wake of film coming to light that shows him using the n-word, Jeremy Clarkson has announced that he is to stand as an MP for Ukip in the Newark by-election.

“We’re delighted,” said Nigel Farage. ‘Ukip was been watching Jeremy’s performance for some time – an ignorant comment about Islam here, a Hitler salute there – and at last he’s met the required standards of racism to represent the party.”

“Jeremy has a long history of publicly making offensive remarks about people with disabilities, those striking for fairer pay and conditions, environmentalists, this list just goes on and on,” Farage enthused. “He’s going to fit right in here at Ukip.”

The BBC has said that whatever the outcome of the Newark by-election the phenomenally successful show Top Gear will carry on with Clarkson at the helm. Something the new controller of BBC2, Kim Shillinglaw, was quick to confirm.

“Nothing stops Top Gear,” she said firmly. “Do you hear me? Nothing.”

Ms Shillinglaw was also keen to defend Clarkson’s behaviour.

“Jeremy Clarkson isn’t racist, or sexist or anything else, even when using a racial epithet he remains the perfect broadcaster and entirely beyond reproach. The fact that Top Gear generates many millions a year for the BBC is entirely coincidental and has no bearing on this matter.”

Meanwhile Nigel Farage is looking forward to working with Ukip’s newest and brightest hope. “We’ve got so much in common. I’m a public school educated millionaire who enjoyed a career beyond the reach of many too. I can’t wait to sit down in a snug bar somewhere with Jeremy, pints of real ale in hand, fags on in defiance of the ridiculous EUSSR smoking ban, and have a good laugh about how we’ve somehow convinced everyone we’re the voice of the common man.”