Mother of George, and Dragon.
All eyes will be on the Duchess of Cambridge this afternoon, as she takes up her rightful role of ‘Mother of Dragons’ during the royal tour of New Zealand.
Wearing a red Catherine Walker coat initially to hide her royal nuddiness, the sylph-like Kate will disrobe away from the cameras. She will then slip into something a little less comfortable, namely an 80-foot high funeral pyre.
“Tradition dictates that the Lady Regnant of the Wider Gene Pool shall smoke an unsavoury hag during the birthing ceremony”, revealed a nerd inexplicably dressed as a dwarf. “She’s chosen Celia Wade-Brown, the mayor of Wellington, after the comments she made on Twitter.”
Kensington Palace has announced that as part of his ongoing ‘King’ training, Prince George will join the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge on a first-class, all expenses paid trip to New Zealand and Australia.
“It’s not like he had anything else to to,” a palace spokesman told us.
“At the moment he just kind of sits there in a bouncy throne, with people feeding him and wiping his arse, and generally doing not a lot. So all in all his king training is going much better than we could have expected.”
Some are seeing this as yet another example of the Royal Family modernising with the parents of a royal child actually choosing to have him around.
The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have finally named the ‘royal baby’ George Alexander Louis after arguing over a suitable name. The arguments revolved around the length of the third-in-line to the throne’s first name.
In his continuing efforts to modernise the monarchy the Duke wanted to be seen driving his new family home himself, has changed two nappies to give their nanny a rest and is now going to get his child’s name tattooed onto his forearm.
“The idea of getting a tattoo has been set for a while but William is a bit of a wimp”, royal watcher Nicholas Witchell told us. “Catherine always wanted a Bartholomew, Montgomery or Slartibartfast, but he had his heart set on something short and relatively painless to ink such as Bob, Jon or 3.”