Tag Archives: diet

Eating all the junk food you have on a Sunday night is best way to start diet

You’ve got to eat them all. Letting them go to waste would be wrong

Local scientist Dr Rachel Goody has confirmed that treating the contents of your fridge like a level of Pac-Man is the best way to begin a diet. Continue reading

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Are spiders the new ‘super food’?

What are you looking at?

One of your eight a day.

Harold’s top faddist has found a new way to live longer, after munching her way through a new range of spiders.

Pippa Delaney claims that spiders contain a substance called ‘arachnodelica’, which can free radicals and either raise or lower lipids, depending on which is better.

“Spiders are nature’s pipe cleaners, so they’re good for the throat”, claimed Delaney. “But only if you don’t cook them first.”
Eaten raw, even a small spider can add a few minutes to your life, claimed the self-styled ‘qualified nutritionist’.
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Filed under Food, Health

Could eating more chocolate and exercising less actually help you lose weight?

Not. Diet. Food.

Not. Diet. Food.

No. Of course it couldn’t.

Don’t be ridiculous.

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Tubsters can handle pies but not truth: first U R Fat Day ends in violence


More and more of us are basing our dimensions on seals then not even bothering to go swimming.

A village initiative to address the obesity crisis was yesterday marred by violence.

“People are too damn fat,” said Harold mayor Rufus D. Jackson. “And the more fat people there are the more it looks normal. Being so fat you could be melted down and used to remake all four of the Beatles is not normal.” Continue reading


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Night-time light linked to obesity is usually ‘the fridge door light’


Might pies give off a gas which makes you fat?

Researchers studying a large group of women for 40 years say data collected shows the risk of obesity increases with over-exposure to any light-at-night, such as the problematic ‘light in the fridge’. Continue reading

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Filed under Around Harold, Food, Health, Lifestyle, Medicine, science

Do you want a vegetable-free diet? Try all new ‘PorQu’

The UK's finest Vegetable substitute

The UK’s finest Vegetable substitute

Are you having trouble convincing your children to eat their vegetables? Are you a carnivore that struggles to get your recommended daily amount of meat? Are you just looking for a way to improve your evening meal? Then why not try PorQu.

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Filed under Culture, Health, Lifestyle

Feature: Six weeks to the perfect beach body


Throw away those razors, girls.

Harold’s own movie star, former Bond-girl Emilie Bourdain, has come out of semi-retirement to offer women a guide to the perfect beach body. A topic she knows all about having rocketed to fame as Claire Medea in the Bond film More Deadly Than The Male which starred Roger Moore as James Bond and saw them light up the screen together in the now iconic ‘naughty hazelnut’ scene which was filmed on Crescent Head beach, New South Wales, and resulted in Emilie Bourdain winning Pipe Smoker of the Year 1975. Continue reading

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Filed under Fashion, Lifestyle