Tag Archives: obesity crisis

Government to execute donkey a day until we exercise: obesity crisis solved


Go for a walk or Hoofs McGee here gets it

A radical solution to the epidemic of obesity that has seen the UK increasingly resemble a badly dressed Moominland comes into force today. For every day that those declared by their doctors to be both fat and lazy refuse to exercise a government appointed executioner will shoot a donkey. Continue reading

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Tubsters can handle pies but not truth: first U R Fat Day ends in violence


More and more of us are basing our dimensions on seals then not even bothering to go swimming.

A village initiative to address the obesity crisis was yesterday marred by violence.

“People are too damn fat,” said Harold mayor Rufus D. Jackson. “And the more fat people there are the more it looks normal. Being so fat you could be melted down and used to remake all four of the Beatles is not normal.” Continue reading


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The Sun says ‘obesity crisis is sexy’ and welcomes first page 3 boy


Jamie, 23 thinks everyone should lighten up over the NSA call-monitoring scandal. “If a powerful man, for example the President of the USA or an elderly Australian, wants to listen in on the rest of us why should we spoil their fun?”

The Sun newspaper has declared obesity to be sexy and today published its first edition with a Page 3 boy rather than the usual if increasingly controversial Page 3 girl.

“It’s a no brainer,” explained editor David Dinsmore. “As the population gets more chunky there’s more and more lads out there with cracking sets of jubblies. So we say don’t be ashamed lads, get ’em out for the er…ladies I guess. And gay blokes. The Sun is a modern newspaper we love all that now.”

“Moobs are where it’s at,” Dinsmore enthused. “Not for me, I’m not a poof, obviously. But lets be honest we’ve all been a bit blurry in the morning and seen pictures of moob pioneers like Vladimer Putin and Simon Cowell and felt a bit of a low down tingle before realising our mistake, haven’t we?” Continue reading

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