Tag Archives: Conservatives

“Don’t worry, lads. Our leader will always be a man,” says English Labour Party

Ugh, a woman as the Doctor. How Tory is that?

Labour have offered comfort to men so incensed by Doctor Who now starring someone who doesn’t have a musket-and-bandoliers swinging about between their legs that their own are in danger of falling off through sheer rage by assuring them that the leader of their party will always be a man. Continue reading

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Filed under TV

Syrian air strikes: MPs to examine their consciences; or ‘ask the wife’.

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Excuse me while I let this off…

Prime Minister Cameron has sent all MPs back to their homes and constituencies this weekend with clear instructions to examine their own consciences about the exciting prospect of bombing the shit out of Syria.

“It’s diplomatic language,” explained a spokesman for Number Ten. “Most of the male members [of The Commons] haven’t got a clue how to think straight and reason with logic, especially if they try to fit it in while watching Match of the Day.

“Their wives, on the other hand, have very clear views, often expressed in a tone of voice that obviates the need for further discussion, while cooking dinner, sorting the laundry, helping the kids with their homework and planning the Christmas seating arrangements.”

“Hopefully,” he concluded, “they’ll all come back here on Monday morning, eager to toe the line, or risk hanging their members [their penises] out to dry for the foreseeable future.”

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Filed under bombs, breaking news, Civil rights, Defence, Labour, Society, War

John Major: ‘Don’t let Labour and SNP tear nation apart: Tories can do it cheaper’

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‘Trust me. We’ll soon have this torn apart.’

John Major has warned voters that a Labour/SNP coalition would ruin the country at a much higher cost than the Conservatives.

“When it comes to asset stripping and smashing glorious institutions into tiny pieces, the private sector has a lot more experience”, said Sir John.

“While we’re sure that Alex Salmond and Ed Miliband are more than capable of ruining almost anything, you have to ask yourself, ‘at what cost?’
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Filed under Election 2015