Category Archives: Tory sex scandal

As Cabinet haemorrhages continue, Larry the Downing Street cat put on standby

Larry is expected to jump at the chance

With yet another hapless minister being shown the door, Larry the Downing Street cat is standing by, in the expectation that he’ll get a Cabinet post later this week.

The PM hopes that Larry will help dispose of some of the larger rats before they abandon the sinking ship. “He’s not actually very good at it” admitted press secretary James Slack “but then again David Davis and Jeremy Hunt haven’t set the bar very high.”

“Larry’s a safe pair of paws though,” insists Slack “used to shitting in public, then half-heartedly trying to cover it up, so he should fit in well with Boris Continue reading

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Crisis as Head of inquiry into inquiry resignations resigns

amber_rudd

“First things first though” said Rudd “Is it inquiry or enquiry?”

The Home Secretary is to launch an inquiry, into why the head of the inquiry into why heads of inquiries resign, has resigned.

With inquiries into inquiries consuming an increasingly large proportion of the Home Office budget, a concerned Amber Rudd spoke  yesterday. “We need to put a brake on it soon and I hope this new inquiry should do the job for us”.

 

“Otherwise the Chancellor might well order an inquiry into the costs of the bloody things.” Continue reading

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It’s Back to Basics as Tories launch good old fashioned sex scandal

C Keeler

He said he didn’t know she was a sex worker. Well, he would say that, wouldn’t he?

The general public has welcomed news of a Tory sex scandal.

“Tax avoidance isn’t the easiest subject for people to get their heads around,” said villager Pippa Delaney, “but a good old fashioned romp in a gimp mask is something we can all definitely relate to.”

When Culture Minister John Whittingdale discovered he had done some sex work unwittingly with a sex worker, he immediately declared it in his personal ‘Register of My Member’s Interests’, or diary.

“Even though we were having sex,” he explained, “I did not know it at the time.  I thought she was another member of the Culture Committee.  Other times she was a plumber.  It depended which game we were playing.”

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Filed under breaking news, Culture, Dating, Politics, Sex, Tory sex scandal

Jeremy Corbyn launches singing career with sure-fire Christmas hit

So sweet

So sweet

Jeremy Corbyn has hit the music scene with what critics say will be this year’s Christmas Number One.

A fabulous video now out of the kindly pensioner singing Happy Birthday Dear Katie has taken the UK by storm.

Harold media analyst Dr Lizzie Phillips says ‘out-of-tune’ is the new black.  “He’s very popular.  I’d definitely put a fiver on him winning X-factor.”

The video was tastefully shot in Cockermouth, showing Jeremy and Katie hugging in the cold air, surrounded by festive sand-bags.

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Filed under Christmas, Entertainment, floods, Labour, Movies, music, Tory sex scandal, Vicars, Weather

Parliament’s favourite porn searches revealed.

David CameronFollowing a freedom of information request, the internet service provider which supplies broadband to the palace of Westminster has revealed what members of the two houses of parliament surf the web for during the really boring bits of government. Continue reading

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Filed under Badgers, breaking news, Labour, Politics, Sex, Social media, Society, Technology, Tony Blair, Tory sex scandal, Uncategorized

Respected willie-waver resigns over ‘Tory MP’ slur

Phew, it's a microphone

Brooks practices performing with a life-size microphone

Essex internet sensation Brooks Newmark has resigned, after reports that he is secretly a Tory MP were published in the Sunday Mirror.

Newmark was innocently pursuing his hobby of exchanging photographs of his genitalia, with what he believed to be a fellow todger enthusiast. Continue reading

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Filed under Lifestyle, News, Politics, Tory sex scandal