Boris Johnson’s wife votes Leave

Pfft and harumph

Boris Johnson’s wife Marina Wheeler has triggered Article 50. They have been in a union for 25 years but Marina now insists it’s time to take back control of her borders.

“He thinks he’s Big Daddy,”‘she said, “but in truth he’s just a Giant Haystack.”

Dubbed ‘Bojexit’, the divorce is already proving controversial, with Boris withdrawing his earlier complaint that Marina was costing him £350 million a week.

“Surely, marriage means marriage,” said Harold pensioner Doris Kettle. “How come they get another vote on it?”

Suspicions about the stability of their union emerged in February when Marina received two Valentine cards. One promised to stay with her forever. The other said “I’m having the CDs.”

“No chance,” replied Marina. “You forget, I’m a Barrister.”

Mr Johnson, MP for Uxbridge and South Ruislip, married Marina Wheeler in 1993, believing she was a Morris motorcar. He was previously married to Allegra Mostyn-Owen, who he thought was an Austin.

The split follows allegations about Johnson having had another extra-marital affair. Conservative leader Michael Howard sacked Johnson in 2004 for allegedly lying about an affair with another internal combustion engine, Petronella Wyatt. Johnson described the allegations as an “inverted pyramid of piffle” which, ironically, was the position Michael Howard caught them in.

Since the EU Referendum, both Farage and Johnson have found out that Leave Does Actually Mean Leave. Mrs Gove may also now be reviewing her options.