Hard Brexit to be broadcast in soft focus, BBC confirms

Should’ve gone to Specsavers

With a no-deal exit from the EU looming, the BBC is preparing to switch back to analogue signals, broadcasting on a UHF channel in 625 lines, to help soften the harsh reality.

“We’ve still got a 1940s valve microphone which has a rich, warm tone.  Coupled with the low image resolution of analogue broadcasting, we are ready to take the edge off the hardest of Brexits,” the BBC reassured Mrs May.

“You’ll need a Cathode Ray TV set and an X-shaped aerial,” says our media correspondent, “or you can download the app, Bygone Replicator, to turn your digital device off for you.”

A new cartoon series of the Bash Street Gang, featuring hapless Lord Snooty-Rees-Mogg and overweight bully boy, Billy Boris Bunter, will help to keep the children entertained.

Public Information films, done in a Pathe News styling, are to be broadcast at intervals during episodes of The Black and White Minstrels Show and Till Death Us Do Part, warning people to stay indoors, keep warm and, above all, stop worrying for goodness’ sake.

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