Tag Archives: Hard Brexit

by | September 21, 2018 · 1:20 am

Hard Brexit to be broadcast in soft focus, BBC confirms

Should’ve gone to Specsavers

With a no-deal exit from the EU looming, the BBC is preparing to switch back to analogue signals, broadcasting on a UHF channel in 625 lines, to help soften the harsh reality.

“We’ve still got a 1940s valve microphone which has a rich, warm tone.  Coupled with the low image resolution of analogue broadcasting, we are ready to take the edge off the hardest of Brexits,” the BBC reassured Mrs May.

“You’ll need a Cathode Ray TV set and an X-shaped aerial,” says our media correspondent, “or you can download the app, Bygone Replicator, to turn your digital device off for you.” Continue reading →

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by | August 4, 2018 · 7:31 am

‘We’ll trade on WTO rules!’ bellows idiot with no idea what WTO rules are

We googled ‘idiot’ & ‘complete f*cking idiot’ and one man kept cropping up. Any guesses?

“I’ve no idea what WTO means” agreed part-time village idiot Alec Fairchild today “but I’m sure Jacob Rees-Mogg has my best interests at heart and he is definitely not betting against the UK by setting up loads of businesses in Dublin.”

“Of course you have to have rules,” Fairchild acknowledged, speaking at Harold’s Squirrel Lickers Arms, where he’s pub-bore in residence.

“If Anthony Joshua just went round beating people up at random he’d never get anywhere Continue reading →

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by | October 20, 2017 · 1:45 pm

A good hard brexit is still the number one right-wing fantasy

They’ll thank me later. They always do.

Ukippers and other idiots are still keen on giving the UK a damned hard brexit, often waking early, drenched in various bodily fluids, after a night spent fantasising about it.

With the referendum won, right-wingers are managing their otherwise empty internal worlds by dreaming of giving us all a really good brexiting. “The UK may say be saying ‘no’ but I know better,” explained Continue reading →

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by | July 26, 2017 · 7:00 am

Man planning hard divorce hires chainsaw to split the assets

David Davis photographed when he found out he’ll still have to pay the debts

A Dunstable man going through a divorce has hired a chainsaw with which to split the family assets and he’ll start with the house itself.

“It’s got a wooden frame so it should be quite easy, as long as I don’t hit any nails” said David Davis “I assume that’s what she meant by ‘sparks are going to fly’, when I told her about it.”

Davis won’t consider a soft divorce, where everything is discussed beforehand. “I want to crash out of the marriage without any agreement, so I’ve insulted my wife and her lawyers as much as I can. My mate Boris told me that’s the best way to get what you want – which in my case is Continue reading →

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by | October 16, 2016 · 8:29 am

Vinnie Jones advocates hard Brexit

vinniejonesVinnie Jones says Britain would be complete pussies to choose anything other than hard Brexit.

“It’s about self-respect” said Jones. “Soft Brexit sounds like something the French would do to appease the Germans.”
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by | September 20, 2016 · 7:00 am

Hard-Brexiteers haven’t finished buggering up the UK yet

dominicraab

A whiff of Alan B’stard, do you think?

Deeply unattractive people, of the kind that you’d cross a busy main road to avoid, now think that Voting Leave wasn’t daft enough, and are dead-set on making the process even more bloody awful than it has to be.

Dominic Raab, who wanted another referendum if his Vote Leave side had lost, is now as keen as mustard to make the situation as shitty as possible, as soon as possible, Continue reading →

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