Tag Archives: paparazzi

Pack of braying media leeches ‘fear for Paul Gascoigne’s health’


Gazza thought the flashing lights when he went out in the morning were to do with his drinking

Gascoigne didn’t realise his blurred vision wasn’t always due to drinking

Paparazzi have asked fans to pray for the recovery of Paul Gascoigne (48 colummn inches).

He was papped earlier this week looking hagard, belying his ability to still shift papers.

The footballing legend is being treated in hospital for a serious illness, which many people feel entitled to be informed about and then make judgements upon.

A worried jackal, Brian (300mm, f stop 5.7), spoke from the scrum outside the hospital ‘I really hope he’s not drinking that gin I gave him, at least not all of it. I bought an appartment on the Algarve thanks to Gazza, and I really owed him one.’

Concerned vampire Simon (50mm, mainly portrait work) agreed. ‘I got him to agree to an exclusive tomorrow, if he makes it through the night. But I also spoke with Geoff, a former team mate (pundit rates, less 10% for cash) who agreed I can make up some quotes for him to say, so I’m covered whatever the outcome.’ Continue reading

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Filed under Health, Media, News, Sport

Kate Middleton elects to have a ‘media birth’

kate preggers

Traditional bodyguards keep watchful eye on royal beef curtains

The Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton  has elected for a media birth, according to palace officials.

Like many young mums-to-be, Kate had a lot of choices to make for her ‘birth plan’, with some advisors suggesting an exclusive ‘push’ in Hello!, OK! or Pregnant MILFs!.

Editors have been scrubbing their arms and donning gowns they found on ebay, in the hope of getting a glimpse inside our future Queen.
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