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by waylandsmithy | May 28, 2015 · 7:00 am

Send in the bears! Osborne plans to outnumber SNP with pandas

Pandas only too keen to leave Osborne’s ‘man cave’.

George Osborne has demanded that England’s emergency supply of pandas are opened, and sent to Scotland to outnumber SNP MPs.

The plan was hatched during a hastily convened COBRA meeting, following yet another quip from Nicola Sturgeon that ‘Tory MPs are outnumbered by pandas in Scotland’.

“We’ve heard that one before”, said Osborne. “In fact this is the 148th time it’s been recorded in Hansard. I’m buttocked if I’m going to let those bummers repeat it again.”
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Tagged as MPs, pandas, Scotland, Tory

by Max C-F | June 13, 2013 · 11:30 am

Ireland to run out of Catholic priests in 20 years: breeding program intensified

Priests are shy, solitary creatures.

Reacting to a Vatican report which claims that in twenty years time it is likely that there will be no more Roman Catholic priests in Ireland a sanctuary in County Cork is intensifying its breeding program.

“Priests are shy, solitary creatures,” said Donna McAleese, chief vet at In Nomine Patris Priest Sanctuary and Botanical Gardens. “They are also very difficult to keep in captivity due to them requiring a rarefied incense-laden climate and eating up to three times their body weight in communion wafers every day.” Continue reading →