Tag Archives: Liberal Democrats

by | January 9, 2015 · 7:00 am

Surprise as Liberal Democrats identified as ‘major political party’

Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg with Bath MP Don Foster visits the Bath Quays South to hear about plans to redevelop that area of the city.

Can he fix it? No, he can’t

Nick Clegg has cancelled an order for 500 business cards advertising his skills as a low-level bodger, after being declared the leader of a ‘major political party’.

“This is brilliant news,” said Clegg  from his caravan in the gardens of Number 10. “I didn’t know anyone was listening to me, other than that lady who I quoted for painting her fence, some time after April.”

The move means Clegg will be allowed to appear in a series of TV debates. “It’s vital for putting my point across’,” he declared.

“No job too small, references available. White washing a speciality. Should I mention I do removals? How far away is Chipping Norton?”

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by | July 27, 2014 · 12:46 pm

Lib Dems announce farewell concert at the O₂

cleggy

He’s not the Messiah, he’s a very spineless boy

After last Sunday’s sell-out success by Monty Python, the Liberal Democrats have announced that before they get annihilated in the general election they too are going to say goodbye to fans with a show at the O₂.

“Critics are saying that it will be embarrassing and that we are simply not up to performing at this level,” said Nick Clegg at a press conference today. “But we intend to put on a hell of a show. Vince Cable is practising his dancing, and Danny Alexander can’t wait to drag-up as an hugely unconvincing member of the Cabinet and talk nonsense in a stupid voice once again.” Continue reading →

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by | January 26, 2014 · 9:05 am

Lib Dem perverts: ‘still plenty in stock’

nickclegg

Right, now for my ‘shocked’ and ‘concerned’ face. What do you think?

Lib Dem Party leaders have denied  persistent rumours in the Westminster Village that they have  a rogue  MP who is not a serial groper.

Nick Clegg asserts he was quick to respond. “As soon as I heard of these appalling allegations against a backbench MP, I paused to reflect for about three years and then acted immediately. How did I act? Well, I acted ‘shocked’, with eyebrows raised, like this …and acted ‘concerned’, with a frown, like this. It’s not an easy look. Go on, you try it. See?” Continue reading →

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by | September 15, 2013 · 2:00 pm

Triumph for Nick Clegg at Lib Dem conference

The audience for his Q&A session far exceeded expectations

The audience for his Q&A session far exceeded expectations

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by | July 11, 2013 · 7:00 am

Clegg confession: I like to dress as Gladstone at weekends

The world a better place when mens casual meant a cravat and not flaunting your moobs.

The world was a better place when men’s casual meant a slightly less restrictive waistcoat ;  not flaunting your moobs in the faces of the unwary.

Nick Clegg raised eyebrows during a speech last night when he confessed that he likes to dress up as William Gladstone – the towering political figure who served as a Liberal Prime Minister four times including two years during which he was simultaneously Prime Minister and Chancellor of the Exchequer.

“It’s not a sex thing,’ Clegg told a bemused audience of cycling proficiency instructors. “It just makes me feel safe. When I dress as Gladstone I feel that I look right that it’s the real me.” Continue reading →

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