Local entrepreneur and hipster converts Oofy and Lysander Eastof have launched a new business venture, aimed at villagers in Harold who feel the need to break away from the “oppressive rules” of the English language.
“Holm of Homophones” is a one stop boutique for homophones, which can be liberally sprinkled through conversation without anyone but the user knowing.
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Filed under 29/9 attrocities, Around Harold
“We’re sure its their”, claims Sibilatelin.
An armoured train packed full of apostrophes has been discovered deep inside a Polish mountain. Abandoned their by a notorious group of grammar nazis, the train is the verb of much speculation.
Spoken of in hushed tones by those in the know, a handful of languages most persistent pedant’s have cleverly decoded obscure rules, that led to the trains discovery.
“The train doesn’t just contain apostrophe’s”, summarized grammar hunter Steve Sibilatelin. “Theirs also literally talk of a stash of ellipsises, semi-colons, and the long lost Oxford Comma.”
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Members of ‘Harold’s Pedants’ Association’ have voted overwhelmingly to call for a ban on pornography in the village until levels of grammar in the specialist movies have improved.
Tyrone (Ty) Tars, leader of the group told us: “Whether enjoying as a couple or as a solo activity, concentrating on the finer nuances of the adult film genre is made almost impossible by grammatical errors you only expect from a greengrocer.
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Makes “you’re teeth”, itch. Do’nt it?
Harold man, Col. Thomas Hallet, today spoke of his disappointment on joining the English Defence League and discovering that the promotion and preservation of the correct use of the English language was the last thing on their minds.
“I happened to be in Dunstable last week and I popped into a pub I’d never been in before which turned out to be rather insalubrious but I thought I’d have a quick pint while I waited for my good lady wife to finish buying whatever women’s things she feels it necessary to procure from the town.” Continue reading
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Filed under Around Harold, News, Politics
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