Tag Archives: crying

Clegg and Farage square up for ‘The Rumble in the Colon’

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Political lightweights battle for third place.

Billed as the fight of the century, this classic confrontation of brain & brawn echoes the 1974 Ali v Foreman classic.

Our sports and political reporters put their heads together to give readers this detailed prediction.

Setting the scene:

In the yellow corner, or it may be orange, no one really knows, Clegg: Never thought of as a big hitter, he is fast on his feet. The legendary ‘Clegg Shuffle’ bamboozles opponents, leaving them punching thin air as the maestro performs his trademark U-turns.

Taunting is a big part of Clegg’s armoury; ‘I’ll float like a butterfly, sting like a butterfly’ he says of the forthcoming contest.

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Harold traders dreaming of a tearful Christmas

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Crying is now a Christmas tradition.

Harold’s local businesses are taking their lead from some of the countries leading retailers and trying their hardest to reduce their customers to tears in a hope to increase Christmas sales.

Chamber of Commerce Chairwoman Pippa Delaney explained the initiative.

“The idea came to me watching my husband dissolve into a whimpering wreck after the John Lewis and Sainsbury’s contrived tear jerkers. I pitched it to the rest of the Chamber, and we soon came up with some really good ideas to get our punters weeping.”

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