At this point would anyone mind if the Vogons turned up and did their thing?
Mice, the hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional beings who paid for the computer we all live on, have decided to hit system restore and run 2016 again. Continue reading
Tag Archives: 2016
Queen’s Christmas Message to be replaced by 15 minute scream to better sum up 2016
We felt like this by January 2nd and it’s only gotten worse
A leaked document from Buckingham Palace titled “2016: Blow me to Bermuda!” has revealed that the Queen will not be delivering a Christmas message to the country and the Commonwealth this year as 2016 has been “a right old barrel of piss” and that Her Majesty couldn’t put a decent spin on this one even if “we swap the royal Sanatogen for disco biscuits before showtime.” Continue reading
Comments Off on Queen’s Christmas Message to be replaced by 15 minute scream to better sum up 2016
Filed under Christmas
Woman claims not to have been groped by Donald Trump
What a tosser, though, really.
In the biggest shock yet to the 2016 Presidential race, an unidentified woman has come forward claiming not to have been ever groped or inappropriately touched by Republican candidate Donald Trump.
Masie Renfrew, 48, a dental hygienist from Brooklyn, claimed to sceptical journalists that she shared an elevator with Trump in 1986 without being molested by the bewigged octopus.
“He just sort of stood there looking at me out of the corner of his eye,” explained Renfrew. “He seemed to twitch slightly, but that could just have been the wig blowing in the air con. Then I got out, and he hadn’t done anything, I was shocked.”
“I supposed I’m lucky I was only going one floor.”
Comments Off on Woman claims not to have been groped by Donald Trump
Filed under Politics, Sex, US Elections
2016 refusing to rule out further bad behaviour
Big sparkly git
An unrepentant 2016 says it may continue being an utter twat-puffin until the very last seconds of December 31st just for the hell of it.
“Am I the worst of the post-war years?” it mused. “Well maybe, although 1984 will always be in with a shout as that’s the year McCartney released the Frog Chorus.” Continue reading
Comments Off on 2016 refusing to rule out further bad behaviour
Filed under News
What does the budget mean for you?
These graphs mean we know what we’re talking about
We don’t have the technical capability for fancy graphics and menus and stuff like that, so in order to explain what the new budget means for you we can’t have you clicking through options.
But we have found another way to achieve the same end result.
Think whether you are married, have children, own a business, all of those type of things that ‘proper’ news sources like the BBC would ask you. Get a really clear idea in your head of your particular circumstances, then read the below statement that will miraculously confirm exactly what the budget means for you. Continue reading
Calls for Europe’s borders to be closed as Australia joins Eurovision 2016
Sod off, Australia. Ain’t no wombats in the European Union flag.
Europe’s leaders are coming under intense pressure to close the borders now that Australia has infiltrated the Eurovision Song Contest for the second year running.
“This is beyond a joke,” said villager and seasoned Eurovision viewer Jane Hough. “When will the Eurovision powers that be realise that the majority of people don’t support their policy of letting anyone in? Australia is not compatible with Europe and especially not with the UK. They have endless sun and great sports teams, we have endless Katie Price and oh my god what happened during the rugby world cup?” Continue reading
Comments Off on Calls for Europe’s borders to be closed as Australia joins Eurovision 2016
Filed under Entertainment
You must be logged in to post a comment.