Tag Archives: Eurovision Song Contest

by | November 18, 2015 · 7:00 am

Calls for Europe’s borders to be closed as Australia joins Eurovision 2016

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Sod off, Australia. Ain’t no wombats in the European Union flag.

Europe’s leaders are coming under intense pressure to close the borders now that Australia has infiltrated the Eurovision Song Contest for the second year running.

“This is beyond a joke,” said villager and seasoned Eurovision viewer Jane Hough. “When will the Eurovision powers that be realise that the majority of people don’t support their policy of letting anyone in? Australia is not compatible with Europe and especially not with the UK. They have endless sun and great sports teams, we have endless Katie Price and oh my god what happened during the rugby world cup?” Continue reading →

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by | May 23, 2015 · 5:02 pm

Joyless snobs gearing up for annual sneer at Eurovision

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Eurovision: a big glittery rainbow for the soul

Dementors in human form across the globe are getting ready to suck the joy out of Europe’s daftest annual contest.

“Eurovision makes people feel good,” hateful swine Jean Polkinghorne told us. “So I’m making a special effort to be horribly scathing and let everyone who enjoys watching it know that this means they have the emotional IQ of hair gel.” Continue reading →

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by | September 7, 2013 · 10:00 am

UK: a small island that no one listens to pulls out of Eurovision Song Contest

Britain in decline? Why can we no longer compete with this level of Euro genius?

UK in decline? Why can we no longer compete with this level of Euro genius?

Following on from resolving not to take military action against President Assad’s regime in Syria at this time and being dismissed as a small island that no one listens to by one of Vladimir Putin’s spokesmen, the UK has taken its first official step towards a reduced role on the world stage by pulling out of the Eurovision Song Contest.

“Europe is very, very far away,” said Spencer Chadwick, Tory MP for Harold and one of the leaders of the ‘No Euro’ campaign. “If some countries whose culture remains to most ordinary Britons unfathomable and whose lands remain unvisited such as, er, Ireland and France want to prance around letting off glitter cannons, singing formulaic pap and acting the giddy goat then that’s their business and not ours.” Continue reading →

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