Harold resident and owner of the village’s trendiest establishment with ‘Veggie!’ in its name, Pippa Delaney, has spoken exclusively to the Evening Harold about a nightmare she had on Friday morning during a brief nap at 9:30am where she dreamt she was voting Conservative.
Although the nightmare was purely in Pippa’s head, the lover of all things organic swimming in manure says the experience is one she will never forget, and hopes it is a once in a lifetime event.
“The dream was so vivid I remember it like it was real,” Pippa told us. Continue reading
Finger mark proves this chap used the facilities.
The Mayor of Harold has apologised for using the public toilets as a polling booth for the European elections.
Regulars found their way blocked by people with clipboards, asking them if they’d made up their mind about where they were leaving their mark.
“I often pop into these toilets to deal with a range of unpleasantries”, said local farmer David Evans. “I don’t give it much thought, or fully understand the workings of the complex system that deals with my shit.”
Evans was furious that he was unable to vote in his favourite trap, but delighted that the council had finally employed people to hand out toilet paper.
Peter Pan complex: is Brand the sixth form debater who never grew up?
There was shock for Russell Brand’s acolytes yesterday when it turned out that he is not the nation’s moral leader and holds no official position in either government or the church.
“I thought he was like boss of everything,” said Harold resident and long-term Brand follower Sean Pavey. “Because he gets blanket press coverage and goes on Newsnight giving it the big I am, I assumed he was important.” Continue reading