Mayor apologises for holding elections in public toilets


Finger mark proves this chap used the facilities.

The Mayor of Harold has apologised for using the public toilets as a polling booth for the European elections.

Regulars found their way blocked by people with clipboards, asking them if they’d made up their mind about where they were leaving their mark.

“I often pop into these toilets to deal with a range of unpleasantries”, said local farmer David Evans. “I don’t give it much thought, or fully understand the workings of the complex system that deals with my shit.”

Evans was furious that he was unable to vote in his favourite trap, but delighted that the council had finally employed people to hand out toilet paper.

“It wasn’t very soft and they only gave me two sheets”, said Evans. “Then the patronisng cow tried to explain how I should use it. As I told her, you don’t need to teach me to suck eggs, I’ve been doing this as regular as clockwork. Except on a Sunday, but that’s on account of the Guinness.”

Election officials praised a surprisingly high turn-out, but fear there may be a record number of spoiled ballots this year. “Not because they’ve been wiping their bottoms on them, that’s no less clear than we normally expect in Harold”, said one counting clerk.

“It’s because in quite a lot of cases, there’s a finger hole right through the middle.”

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