‘The light faded and temperature dropped’ – Woman describes voting Tory nightmare

Harold resident and owner of the village’s trendiest establishment with ‘Veggie!’ in its name, Pippa Delaney, has spoken exclusively to the Evening Harold about a nightmare she had on Friday morning during a brief nap at 9:30am where she dreamt she was voting Conservative.

Although the nightmare was purely in Pippa’s head, the lover of all things organic swimming in manure says the experience is one she will never forget, and hopes it is a once in a lifetime event.

“The dream was so vivid I remember it like it was real,” Pippa told us.

“As soon ‘first contact’ occured, when the pen touched the ballot paper and began to mark an ‘X’ next to the Tory candidate, there was a noticeable drop in the light levels outside.

“Birds stopped singing their songs and returned to the trees, looking out from the branches confused by the obvious atmospheric change. Then babies started crying and wolves began howling.

“As the lines of the ‘X’ crossed over, the moment a vote becomes binding known as totality, everyone around me said they felt the temperature plummet by a few degrees.

“It’s odd, because I always thought that entering hell would have been much warmer.

“Luckily the dark atmosphere only last for a few minutes before reality resumed, the temperature rose, and the light came back as I woke up.”

Experts in voting nightmares told us that although the nightmare Pippa Delany experienced was a rare event, it would happen again as soon as 2025.

Once again health advice has been issued for anyone wishing to experience voting Tory for themselves. Under no circumstances should anyone look directly at David Cameron, even if you are wearing sunglasses. The damage to your psychological state is irreversible.

The safest way to experience voting Tory is to stay indoors and watch other people doing it on television. Then you get to see the type of person votes Tory which is usually enough to prevent you from exposing yourself to its harmful effects.