Local priest, Rev Tansy Forster, has warned villagers that today’s solar eclipse is a sign that God just can’t be having with straight marriage.
“It’s abhorrent,” Rev Forster told us. “Look at the world: think of the stress and the debt fuelled by heterosexual couplings. And, worse, think of all the terrible pop songs. Today’s eclipse and the fact that it coincides with the Super Moon and Spring Equinox is a clear sign from the Almighty that these are the end times.”
“Times that we’ve brought upon ourselves by flaunting a sick way of life that ends in divorce and misery for millions.”
“Don’t look at the sun this morning,” Rev Tansy advised. “Look to yourselves and to your sin. It’s time we stopped pretending that this is natural and thought of the children.”
Rev Forster’s controversial views have caused outrage in Harold, especially her advocating the dismantling of shrines built to straight marriage such as Ikea and Harvester. However most of the village are bang on the side of her calls to put Vernon Kay and Tess Daly in a wicker man.