With the on-going dispute with Spain over the sovereignty of Gibraltar slowly turning into an expensive chest beating exercise, the British Government has revealed plans to reduce the cost of constant complaints to the EU.
“This tit-for-tat argument is costing British tax payers a fortune,” Prime Minister David Cameron explained. “That’s why we are going to privatise Gibraltar next Thursday.”
Sell-off was brainchild of evil, greedy toad
The world’s greatest rodent detective could soon be living in a dog poo bin, thanks to an evil plot to evict him by Baron Silas Greenback.
That’s the claim of an angry-sounding mouse in a white catsuit, who told us his secret lair has been privatised from under his whiskers.
Danger Mouse and long-term partner Penfold (a chubby, bookish hamster) have co-habited their central London apartment since the mid 1980s. With their shared interests in galactic politics, animal rights and all types of cosplay, the couple have spent many a happy hour gnawing at bars and putting the world to rights.
But now the vintage pillar box that they have so long called home has been sold from over them in a stock market flotation. The pair fear they will no longer be able to return from a hard-days super-heroing and relax in the bath: Danger Mouse claims he can smell a rat.
Filed under Business, Crime
Chance to buy recently spoiled piece of history
A post box that appeared on a bridge across the Thames has been sold off to developers for £650k. With river views, a traditional design and easy access to the road just above it, the post box conversion is already the subject of a bidding war.
“When we first saw that there was a piece of social history in Sonning that hadn’t been despoiled yet, we just had to get our cheque book out”, exclaimed builder Jeremy Castle.
“It’s just the sort of impractical, showy design that a twat from London will pay big money for”, explained Castle. “There’s even plenty of space to park a Range Rover, if you gain access through the sunroof and remember to never open the doors.”
The brochure describes the prison pool as one of the finest in the UK
With the education system bringing a larger gap in quality between private and state schools, the privatisation of prisons has seen a record numbers of criminal families going to increasing lengths to get their kin into Dunstable’s private prison operated by G4S, as opposed to other local state alternatives.
“We have found people using false addresses, lying about siblings who are already in the prison and even impersonating family members in an attempt to secure places” the Governor of the prison has said.