Royal Mail sell-off ‘a Greenback plot’ claims Danger Mouse

Sell-off was brainchild of evil, greedy toad

The world’s greatest rodent detective could soon be living in a dog poo bin, thanks to an evil plot to evict him by Baron Silas Greenback.

That’s the claim of an angry-sounding mouse in a white catsuit, who told us his secret lair has been privatised from under his whiskers.

Danger Mouse and long-term partner Penfold (a chubby, bookish hamster) have co-habited their central London apartment since the mid 1980s. With their shared interests in galactic politics, animal rights and all types of cosplay,  the couple have spent many a happy hour gnawing at bars and putting the world to rights.

But now the vintage pillar box that they have so long called home has been sold from over them in a stock market flotation. The pair fear they will no longer be able to return from a hard-days super-heroing and relax in the bath:  Danger Mouse claims he can smell a rat.

“We’ve not heard a peep from Silas Greenback or his side-kick Stiletto for years”, said Penfold. “But when I read that the post office was being sold off, I thought to myself ‘ooh, crumbs DM.’ To be fair he’s warned me before about eating biscuits in bed, but now this sale’s gone through, we’ll both be sleeping in the park.”

From his temporary red bin filled with squidgy, warm bags, Danger Mouse vowed to catch the mastermind behind his downfall. “It’s the perfect plot”, said the mouse, while fighting back his gag reflex. “Befriend the chancellor, become his best man, then persuade him to sell you the Post Office. If you ask me, that’s got ‘super villain’ written all over it.”

The benevolent hero revealed that losing their home was causing unbearable stress. “Penfold has already eaten our young twice this month”, he admitted. “What? You thought he was a boy? I suppose it can be quite hard to tell with hamsters.”

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