UK nuclear command prepare for the night shift.
A weekend IMHO poll has revealed that most people feel relaxed about our nuclear warheads being under the control of wide-awake clear-thinking coke-snorting top-flight gamers, and that this is way preferable to President Trump having his finger on the big button.
“These guys in the submarine are best in class when it comes to video war games,” said Harold teenager Kevin Ronsson. “They’ve got hand-eye coordination like you wouldn’t believe and they’re so sharp-brained they can beat you at chess with one hand while fending off incoming with the other. Whereas Trump is more like a thick dickhead, still stuck on level 1 in Hungry Horace.”
Godzilla: not chuffed at the prospect of being close to Butlins
The future of the £18bn Hinkley Point C nuclear power station is uncertain following the revelation that Godzilla is “not really feeling it” about moving to the West Country.
The massive sea monster who was awakened from prehistoric slumber and given destructive power by nuclear radiation has a track record of being first on the scene whenever mankind’s love affair with the atom goes tits up. Continue reading
The sum of all fears.
The discovery that wildlife is thriving in the Chernobyl exclusion zone has caused a rethink on using Trident against badgers.
Despite badgers being linked to the spread of bovine TB, the sheer number of moths near Reactor 4 caused a brief pause in the launch countdown.
“Our experts had spotted a family of badgers on the Avon border”, revealed DEFRA minister George Eustice. “And at least one of them seemed to have a slight cough.”