Tag Archives: Nick Griffin

Irony implodes: Nick Griffin to emigrate

Sean Spicer & Nick Griffin, never seen in the same room

Sean Spicer’s less intelligent dodgy uncle look-alike, Nick Griffin, plans to inflict himself on the unsuspecting Hungarians later this year.

Griffin spoke in glowing terms of the growing ”nationalist emigre community” in Hungary, where he’ll move to later this year. He will continue to be politically active though, campaigning for less immigration and stronger national borders.

Laws of quantum physics were suspended yesterday, as Oxford English Dictionaries failed to fit this proposition into Einsteins general theory of relativity. Continue reading

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Disappointment as BNP’s new leader doesn’t look obviously demented


Ex-BNP leader Nick Griffin: if only all unspeakable gits were this easy to spot

Despite it being one of their favourite sayings the BNP have proved that they don’t all look the same by voting in a new leader who doesn’t look like the villain in the most rubbish pantomime ever. Continue reading

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Relief as Britain found to be less racist than France


This man is bankrupt and very recently unemployed. It’s okay, we laughed too.

There was relief in Harold this morning as the European election results confirmed one thing: the UK is officially less racist than France. In France the Front National party won the election while on this side of the channel voters decided they’d had enough of fascists and the BNP lost both its seats. Continue reading

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Flood crisis latest: BNP announce they’re building an ark


It’ll be just like this only everyone and everything will be terribly unhappy

There was surprise this morning as Nick Griffin, leader of the British National Party, slithered out from under his rock to announce that the BNP’s solution to the flooding crisis is to build an ark.

“The ark won’t be open to everyone,” Griffin said. “It’s a British ark or Bark as we like to call it. The only people allowed on board will be pure Brits with generations of British blood flowing through their veins and who exemplify the best this great nation has to offer just like Churchill, Brunel, Agatha Christie and our beloved royal family.” Continue reading

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Romanians panic as bankrupt Nick Griffin heads to Bucharest to look for work


Bankrupt: morally, intellectually…

There was panic on the streets of Romanian capital Bucharest this afternoon as citizens braced themselves for an influx of BNP leader Nick Griffin who is heading there to look for work after being declared bankrupt at Welshpool County Count.

“We don’t want Nick Griffins coming here and taking all our jobs,” said IT consultant Ion Bâlan. “They behave in a disgusting way that is completely at odds with Romanian values, we do not want them in our city living off state handouts then going on our version of Question Time looking mad. The Romanian government should close the borders to such people.” Continue reading

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Trollitician: Ukip’s Godfrey Bloom reveals ‘I’m a socialist spy’

Bloom before going deep cover as a ruddy-faced bigot

Bloom before going deep cover as a ruddy-faced bigot

Evening Harold exclusive interview:

Godfrey Bloom splashes in puddles. As we walk to Harold café Veggie! Veggie! Veggie! for a brunch of vegan bacon and eggs washed down with foamy glasses of milkless milk, the now ex-senior Ukip politician cannot conceal his delight at being free of the boorish identity he had to assume to fulfil that role and so splashes his Birkenstocks happily in the puddles on the High Street, his kaftan flapping in the breeze.

“It was hell,” Bloom says of his former life once we’re settled in a cosy booth and he’s removed his crochet beanie lamenting over the amount of time it’s going to take for his hair to grow long again, “but worth it. My mission was to penetrate Ukip and troll it by hogging the headlines and when on Friday Nigel Farage said ‘increasingly, over past months his statements have left us in a position where, frankly, what we stand for and what we campaign for are irrelevant,’ my work was done.”

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