Before you dump, think it through.
Food banks up and down the country now have enough jars of Dolmio pasta sauce to sink an Italian battleship, thanks to the caring generosity of well-meaning do-gooders.
“As soon as I found out just how much sugar and salt they add to the pink sludge, I emptied my cupboards and started pouring the stuff down the sink,” said housewife Daphne Newton.
“Then my teenage daughter pointed out that the amount of precious clean water and costly sink cleaner I was using far outweighed the benefits of recycling the empty jars and demanded I deliver the remaining two dozen jars to the food bank instead.”
“Well, I couldn’t believe my ears when the woman at the food bank said they already had enough of that particular item, thank you.”
“a week on Tuesday”
Harold’s abattoir ‘Stun Guns n Gas Hoses’ is centre to yet further scandal this week after information received from a whistleblower working at the plant has led to an urgent investigation by the Food Standards Agency (FSA).
With the furore surrounding the horse meat scandal seemingly over, those in the animal slaughtering industry had been hoping for a return to normality, but the latest revelation is far more shocking than a little Shergar in your sausages.
Now we know why parmesan is the stinky cheese
Some of the village’s most respected female community members are keeping a low profile today after harrowing accusations surrounding food stuffs produced by the local Women’s Institute.
At the centre of the allegations is the WI’s “Organically matured grated hard cheese for pasta”, which most consumers had assumed to be a variation of the Italian favourite parmesan. However, sources claim that members have simply been using Scholl foot files to produce the shavings from the soles of their feet at little to no cost, placing it into rustic looking boxes, and selling it on for £4.99 a pop. The FSA have launched an investigation, however the WI are claiming the labelling is factually correct, and therefore no rules have been breached.