Tag Archives: Women’s Institute

Promised foreplay ‘failed to arrive’ say WI members

grey wool

Mostly grey and  a bit scruffy? Then four-ply is more likely than foreplay

Yet another problem for Harold WI it seems, following last year’s celebrated mix-up over ‘dog walking’ and ‘dogging’.

“We’d rather hoped those admin problems were behind us,” said WI Chairwoman Jane Fondant “although we did have a welcome surge in membership after ‘The Great 2013 Cock Up.”

Sadly there was fresh disappointment on Monday evening. Locals and visiting members from as far away as Leighton Buzzard gathered in a packed Village Hall, to hear Daphne Rogers’ illustrated lecture on Imaginative ideas for Foreplay.

“Daphne rummaged in her bag then, instead of lavender massage oil and chocolate sauce, hauled out two skeins of wool and a set of knitting needles.” says Fondant “It soon became only too clear she was determined to teach us all about four-ply knitting.”

After last year’s confusion Harold WI had been forced to remind villagers that husbands are allowed only at Invitation Events. “If there was any encouragement to take from Monday evening, it’s that no men turned up, so they’d clearly listened. Or more interested in dogging than foreplay ? No, that’s not very likely”.

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Village Women’s Institute caught up in global food scandal

Now we know why parmesan is the stinky cheese

Now we know why parmesan is the stinky cheese

Some of the village’s most respected female community members are keeping a low profile today after harrowing accusations surrounding food stuffs produced by the local Women’s Institute.

At the centre of the allegations is the WI’s “Organically matured grated hard cheese for pasta”, which most consumers had assumed to be a variation of the Italian favourite parmesan. However, sources claim that members have simply been using Scholl foot files to produce the shavings from the soles of their feet at little to no cost, placing it into rustic looking boxes, and selling it on for £4.99 a pop. The FSA have launched an investigation, however the WI are claiming the labelling is factually correct, and therefore no rules have been breached.

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Filed under Around Harold, Crime