Ham fisted meat whisperer with loose lips

meat inspector

“a week on Tuesday”

Harold’s abattoir ‘Stun Guns n Gas Hoses’ is centre to yet further scandal this week after information received from a whistleblower working at the plant has led to an urgent investigation by the Food Standards Agency (FSA).

With the furore surrounding the horse meat scandal seemingly over, those in the animal slaughtering industry had been hoping for a return to normality, but the latest revelation is far more shocking than a little Shergar in your sausages.

The accusation surrounds the ‘use by dates’ we are all used to seeing on our food packaging. Whilst most of you will follow these instructions closely, have you ever wondered how the meat knows when it should go off? Well for those of you that have asked yourself this question, every abattoir is directed by law to employ a Meat Whisperer. A job of huge responsibility, it is the Meat Whisperer who gently tells each cut of meat what its assigned use by date is.

The recent allegation points to a series of major breaches in protocol. Harold’s Whisperer is accused of a range of offences including basing use by dates on the birthdays of former members of Pans People, and drunkenly shouting at batches of meat instead of addressing each cut in turn.

But the most shocking assertion is that in August of last year the Meat Whisperer took two weeks annual leave. With no-one at the plant trained to cover his position, a foreign worker was employed as a replacement. However as the temp only spoke Mandarin, the English speaking meat was being shipped to shops, butchers and restaurants with no idea when it should ‘turn’.

The abattoir owner has so far remained tight lipped, although a spokesman has dismissed the final allegation as Chinese whispers.

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