Advertising feature: Introducing the amazing child-cleaning power of MumSpit

Made from only the finest free range mums

Made from only the finest free range mums

Have you ever noticed how messy children can become when you’re out? Ice cream, chocolate, mud and animal fur all seem to be magnetically attracted to their faces, leaving other people thinking you don’t wash your kids. Sure you could use a wet wipe, but if anything you are just spreading the problem. That’s where we can help

Introducing ‘MumSpit’

Made with the cleaning power of spit from over 40 authentic mothers all from the village of Harold, MumSpit not only kills 99.9% of all known germs, but it also has a bloody good go at the remaining 0.1%. Sprayed liberally onto the offending face, MumSpit can then wiped away with a hanky, a jumper sleeve or a McDonald’s napkin.

Why buy MumSpit?

Harold’s children have been voted as having ‘Britain cleanest faces’ every year for the last 15 years. The village has even seen the phenomenon of spit tourism, with parents bringing their children from as far away as Dunstable to be gobbed on by the women of Harold. Our secret? The unique qualities of the phlegm from the village’s mothers. Gently extracted using the patented ‘Snort and Hack™’ method we guarantee not only do you get amazing cleaning power, but your child’s skin also benefits from the ‘nasal nutrients’ that have moisturising properties.

Is MumSpit ethically sourced?

Yes. Since 2003 we have made huge in-roads in the treatment of our mothers and can proudly say they are now free range. No longer kept in cages barely big enough to bake and with no access to fresh water or Loose Women, our free range mothers are able to roam around in the school playground talking about how the achievements of their child are beyond their years. And if all of that wasn’t enough, in 2010 we stopped watering down MumSpit with the cheaper, but lower quality spit manufactured by Chinese children, leaving even the most middle-class faux conscience clear

Who is MumSpit for?

MumSpit can be sprayed directly on to the face of a child by anyone. Whether you are a father who has been trusted to take the kids out on your own, or just a mother that is slightly dehydrated, MumSpit is for you. MumSpit has even been approved by the ‘Oliver Twist Society’ for use on orphans. Available in this handy pocket-sized bottle, it is the perfect size for handbags, nappy bags or the cup holders in most modern buggies.

So don’t delay, clean your child with authentic Harold ‘MumSpit’ today

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