Sod this for a game of soldiers.
Harold village’s famous medieval “Cod Stocks”, which have been used for centuries to shame unruly fish, are well on the road to recovery after years of decline, fish experts have revealed. The stocks were introduced to the village by local landowner Harold du Boeuf on his return from the ninth crusade against Iceland in 1598, and were used to punish deviant mackerel until the great influx of refugee cod from the Spanish Inquisition changed the local marine ecology forever.
Local marine biologist Simon Parsons spoke of his relief that stocks had returned to their usual levels. “For years, cod stocks have been dangerously low, leading to two trips and a stumble,” he explained. “I almost fell over them myself one time – they were that low you could barely see the top wooden bit above the gravel. Now stocks are about four feet high, give or take, which is exactly what you’d expect for the time of year and average height of villager.”
Just when local celebrations were at their height, rumours began trickling in that respected news agencies around the world may have misunderstood the news, and have reported that it is actually the numbers of fish in the see that have risen. “It’s a mistake anyone could make,” explained Mayor Rufus D Jackson this evening. “We were going to tell the BBC what they’d done, but I thought we’d let them get on with it, just for the halibut.”
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