The police guard who shot President Obama last night as the head of state was striding across the White House lawns toward the presidential helicopter, has defended his actions saying that he “simply did his duty after seeing a suspicious black guy apparently stealing the President’s official helicopter.”
Wayne Derumbo, a white 29 year old US Park Officer, who was on his first day of duty at the White House when he shot the President said, “I simply did what any officer would do and fired at the black guy as he arrogantly made his way towards Marine One. I didn’t like his attitude, you’d have thought he owned the chopper or something.” Continue reading
Job done, surely?
A sense of widespread confusion is growing across social media today as racism stubbornly persists in being a thing. Despite more than 400,000 Facebook users liking and sharing a picture of twelve year old Devonte Hart hugging Sgt. Bret Barnum during the riots in Ferguson, Missouri people the world over are continuing to be absolute dicks to each other based on skin tone and birth place. Continue reading
Previously crowned ‘king of Europe’ Fergie takes on a smaller challenge
Sir Alex Ferguson has announced his retirement from football today, positioning himself to take over managing the country from the Queen.
“I see Prince Charles is being sent to the commonwealth meeting in the Queen’s place to prepare him” Fergie told reporters. “These other countries need a leader they can trust and take seriously, so I will go with him.”
This move has led to speculation that not even the Queen can trust the Prince of Wales to take on the role as head of state when the time comes. Insiders at the palace have denied that claim, but with Sir Alex expected to sit beside the Queen during the state opening of Parliament, the rumours continue.
Earlier there were conflicting reports. Some had suggested he was going to take the top job at Reading FC, but the ‘royals’ he is going to manage turned out to be the Windsors.