Bono enjoying a quiet moment of smug
“Refugees, hospitals, and schools, you name it, we could pay for it all if only the UK and other Western governments introduced a compulsory system to take money from its people” said Bono smugly.
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Filed under Entertainment, Smug
Just because someone’s right it doesn’t mean they’re not also terribly annoying
Boycotting Amazon has officially become the new bullseye on the middle class morality dartboard finally ousting claiming not to have a TV.
“It’s taken years,” media and trend analyst Lizzie Philips told us. “But at long last not shopping with Amazon has become the single greatest source of conversational smugness.” Continue reading
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Filed under Business
Pure, white and deadly. You’ll live longer if you stop eating it but you’ll be lonely without all the friends you bored to death by constantly wilfing on about how you quit.
Scientists are warning today that giving up sugar can lead to dangerous levels of smugness and isolation.
“We’re seeing more and more incidences of someone quitting sugar and then taking to Facebook to continually brag about their achievement and patronisingly urge everyone else to do the same,” said Harold scientist Dr Rachel Guest. “The most hopeless cases are also posting lots of selfies with captions like #betterthanever and #postiveaboutme which family and friends find uncomfortable to witness. Especially if up until a few days ago the poster was the sort of person who would frequently try to eat their own body weight in pizza and whose only exercise was brushing their teeth a bit hard.” Continue reading
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Filed under Health
Feeling chipper.
Jeremy, a white, middle-sized potato, has spoken of his pride after being selected by Waitrose.
Despite tough competition from migrant sweet potatoes, a Jerusalem artichoke and two swedes, Jeremy made it to the prime eye-level shelf opposite a kumquat and a pre-washed bistro salad.
“My teachers always said I’d amount to nothing more than the crust on an Aldi fish pie”, revealed Jeremy.
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Filed under Around Harold, Lifestyle
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