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Wayne Rooney sues over £750,000 potato photo


Can’t see the resemblance, myself

Legal representatives of football ace Wayne Rooney have contacted the photographer who recently sold a picture of a potato, demanding that he immediately cease from “ridiculing his client”.

The photograph, which shows a roughly head-shaped potato lightly caked in soil, sold for £750,000 when it was spotted in a London gallery by a rich idiot.

“This is clearly an attempt to ridicule my client,” insisted a spokesman for Rooney.

“It is well-known that certain unpleasant, misguided people have in the past compared Wayne to a potato, and this is just the latest example of this cruel trend.”

“The juxtaposition of vast over-valuation with the muddy root vegetable is hardly subtle, and we think the photographer should be ashamed of himself.”

Photographer Kevin Abosch seemed bemused speaking to journalists this morning.

“It’s a potato,” he muttered, shaking his head. “I have no idea what they are talking about.”

Reporters then showed him a picture of Wayne Rooney.

“Oh my God,” he explained.

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Potato ‘proud to be for sale in Waitrose’


Feeling chipper.

Jeremy, a white, middle-sized potato, has spoken of his pride after being selected by Waitrose.

Despite tough competition from migrant sweet potatoes, a Jerusalem artichoke and two swedes, Jeremy made it to the prime eye-level shelf opposite a kumquat and a pre-washed bistro salad.

“My teachers always said I’d amount to nothing more than the crust on an Aldi fish pie”, revealed Jeremy.
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