Scotland, he disciplines because he loves
In a hastily and smugly arranged press conference that took place as soon as the final whistle was blown David Cameron has said that Scotland’s 0 – 20 trouncing by England in the rugby union Calcutta Cup proved how much Scotland needs England and that Scottish independence simply would not work. Continue reading
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Our little boy is growing up and leaving home
The UK has said today that they fully respect Scotland’s bid for independence, and admire their determination to stand on their own two feet, but that “they needn’t think they are going to be able to bring their washing home at weekends for me to do”.
Alex Salmond is hoping that Scotland will go with his bid for independence, swayed by the promise of being able to stay up as late as they want, not having to tidy their room if they don’t want to, and being able to bring girls home whenever they like. But there are doubts from the UK as to whether Scotland fully understands everything involved. Continue reading
The thought of not being able to do this is too much for many to bear.
Politicians of all persuasions have spoken of their sadness that the UK can no longer build as many massive, deadly warships as it once did.
Massive, deadly warships have been a traditional part of British life for over 500 years, and a traditional part of the lives of many other countries that happen to have a shoreline.
From such historic facilities as Portsmouth, Rosyth and the Clyde, Britain has launched an endless stream of massive, deadly warships for the offspring of local families to use as killing platforms or a heroic, watery grave.
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Our precioussss. It’s our birthday and we wants him.
David Cameron has confirmed that earlier this morning Andy Murray was formally offered asylum in England to save him from the threat of Scottish independence.
“We have been worried about this young man for some time,” said Cameron. “It started when he won the U.S Open only to increase as he went on to win Olympic gold and Queen’s. Yesterday’s triumph at Wimbledon served only to confirm that he must remain British.” Continue reading
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