The man that does the lips previously operated Jabba the Hut’s ringpiece.
With less than a month to go until the most dismal general election for decades, voters are pleading with the establishment to show them ‘the proper candidates now’.
Fed up with a wall of cartoon morons who you wouldn’t leave alone with your children, voters think it’s about time they came clean and showed us the real people.
“They spend a lot of time trying to look normal, some of them even pretend to eat”, said Harold’s Pippa Delaney. “But you can tell they’re just puppets because their eyes don’t work properly.”
Concerns were raised when a still-crumpled Cameron was emerged from a box on a bus in Wales, and a muddled-up Miliband was filmed blinking with his mouth.
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The sum of all fears.
An outbreak of avian flu is unlikely to destabilise the government, according to a report from our cold-blooded masters.
Although it could prove deadly for chickens, lizards are well up the pecking order. The announcement didn’t mention how it might affect those that evolved from puny apes.
“While pandemics can seem scary, I’d like to assure you lesser species that I’ll be fine”, said David Cameron. Nigel Farage licked a broiler in front of the press, to hammer the point home.
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I’ll take a refund but I don’t want to exchange her for another one
Enterprising members of the public have been left disappointed after attempting to return unwanted MPs along with unwanted Christmas presents this morning.
Many people hit on the idea of returning their local MP along with the new jumper that is several sizes too small, but stores are refusing to refund or even exchange politicians as they claim it is “not their place to do so”. Continue reading →
Filed under News, Politics
Tagged as christmas, currys, David Cameron, Ed Miliband, Evening Harold, George Osborne, gift returns, M&S, politicians, returns, Spoof news, Tesco, theresa may, unwanted presents
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