Tag Archives: 2015

Electorate demands: ‘Can we see the real candidates now?’

miliband muppet

The man that does the lips previously operated Jabba the Hut’s ringpiece.

With less than a month to go until the most dismal general election for decades, voters are pleading with the establishment to show them ‘the proper candidates now’.

Fed up with a wall of cartoon morons who you wouldn’t leave alone with your children, voters think it’s about time they came clean and showed us the real people.

“They spend a lot of time trying to look normal, some of them even pretend to eat”, said Harold’s Pippa Delaney. “But you can tell they’re just puppets because their eyes don’t work properly.”

Concerns were raised when a still-crumpled Cameron was emerged from a box on a bus in Wales, and a muddled-up Miliband was filmed blinking with his mouth.
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“It’s just kak”: World agrees to restart 2015 after horrendous beginning


Happy new New Year: more kittens, less bullets

In an unprecedented move almost the entire world has agreed to press reset and start 2015 again.

“The year so far while young in days has been high in tragedy. It’s just kak” said David Cameron. “Let us all as one pause, step back and have another go. But not the sales again, let’s try to have a little dignity this time and not be queuing outside Next at 3:00am.” Continue reading

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