Tag Archives: green

by | June 24, 2015 · 7:00 am

Eco-holiday? Why not row a cargo ship?

row boatEco fans can now offset their carbon footprint by taking a cruise on a galley slave-powered cargo ship.

With bookings now being taken to bring 55,000 tonnes of iPhones, smart watches and other electronic crap back from China, just 1,200 ethical adventurers are needed to get it here by Christmas.

“Unfortunately that’s not Christmas this year, and most of this tat will be out of date by 2018”, explained green-tour organizer Damien Howitzer.

“But between them, they will have saved enough fuel to pop the whole lot in the landfill, and still have enough carbon credits left to fly the family to Florida. Well, those that survive, obviously.”
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by | May 4, 2015 · 8:26 am

UK meets EU recycling target thanks to UKIP leaflets

ukip leaflet

Farage hopes to see more rotten leaflets.

Irony has given Nigel Farage another kick in the goolies this week with news that the UK has met the target dictated by Brussels for recycling as much rubbish as possible, thanks mainly to millions of anti-European UKIP leaflets going straight in the bin.

European Environment Commissioner Karmenu Vella travelled by EuroStar to Thanet, where he caught up with Nigel Farage who was there on election campaign business.

“I have come to thank you personally, Monsieur Fromage (sic),” the Commissioner told him, “for your generous contribution of paper-based rubbish which tipped the balance and made the UK do as it’s told for once.”

The Commissioner then pinned a badge on Farage’s coat, depicting the EU emblem with the words “I did my bit for Europe” underneath. A modest Farage blushed excessively on receiving the award and, mouth agape, was lost for words, while two of his heavies accidentally both punched the Commissioner believing him to be a common assailant m’lud.
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by | August 24, 2013 · 7:00 am

Eco Protesters are ‘A Fracking Disgrace’ says Farmer

Green or Brown?

Green or Brown?

The farmer whose field has been occupied by anti fracking eco warriors has hit out at way the protesters treated his land.

Although the protesters have been very careful to organise regular recycling collections for refuse, they have refused to use port-a-loos due to the perceived pollution risks from the toilets’ chemical cleaning agents, preferring to use ‘more natural’ disposal methods.

“It all very well that MP wiping her arse with a dock leaf in the interests of communing with nature, but the end product still has to be cleared from the hedge,” said Harold farmer, Lionel Garage. Continue reading →

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by | April 9, 2013 · 8:26 am

Plans for futuristic electric car promising ‘infinite range’ go flat

1979 Mini-metro is at the forefront of modern motoring

1979 Mini-metro is at the forefront of modern motoring

A pair of keen environmentalists, who locked themselves in a shed for 12 years promising not to come out until they had developed a long range electric car, have finally unveiled their adapted 1979 Mini-Metro.

“The exciting thing about this car is that the range is pretty much infinite” John Goody, one of the pair explained. “The only thing that restricts the distance is your imagination, and the length of the extension cable you use.

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