Category Archives: Motoring

Local man shows environmental credentials by having sex in Smart car

There's room for your legs out the window dear

There’s room for your legs out the window dear

A Dunstable man’s strategy of showing his ‘green’ credentials by having sex in his electric Smart car has been so spectacularly successful that it has sparked a craze that is sweeping the UK.

Dunstable Council officer Andrew Chillace was overwhelmed by the reaction to his environmentally aware attempts to get his leg over.

“I’d been single for a few years – it isn’t easy when you are touching 50, have an appreciable paunch, and work in a dead-end job. Most of my female contemporaries were greenies so I tried sharing pictures of dolphins caught in plastic bags on Facebook. That got me a few likes, but for some reason it didn’t translate to any action.”

Mr Chillace explained that he then hit on the idea of buying a bright green electric Smart car.
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Filed under Around Harold, environment, Motoring

Driverless BMWs will still ‘act like dicks’, company says

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With the government announcement that driverless cars will be permitted on public roads, BMW have said that any driverless car they release will still act like a dick.

“It is important that any autonomous car acts in a way people would expect if it was being driven by a human” a BMW press release said.
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Filed under Motoring, News

Diesel car drivers face £10 charge to help reduce smug levels

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Drivers of diesel cars are to face an extra charge of up to £10 on top of the congestion charge in London to help compensate for the amount of smug they give off.

Environmental groups have welcome the plans saying the amount of smug given of by diesel car drivers when talking about their fuel efficiency is becoming a serious health risk to everyone.

A spokesperson for the Green Party said: “Smug levels in the South East and especially London have always been high, with ‘banker bonus season’ creating a smug cloud so bad it is hard to see the top of Canary Wharf.
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Filed under Economy, Motoring, News

Lotus vows to complete Le Mans 24 hour race in under 8 minutes

lotusfire

A test driver relaxes after a job well done.

Car manufacturer Lotus has pledged to return to Le Mans next year, and shatter the 24 hour barrier.

Using a combination of high octane fuel, boozed-up drivers and second-hand remoulds, chief engineer Bertrand Collins is confident of finishing the event almost before it starts.

“Lotus has a proud history of owners attempting to drive all the way to Le Mans, only to break down in huge numbers right across France”, said Collins.

“So they’re there in spirit, or perhaps in a hired Renault Twingo. That’s the sort of determination and blind optimism we’re hoping to tap into.”
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Filed under Motoring, Sport